Your First Rodeo
I bid you welcome, honey, to my boudoir
And now I'll treat you like the sweet thing you are
No need for shyness since you've made it this far
I can spot potential and I'll make you a star
I'm a champion rider, you can tell by my suit
And your blushing smile does look cute
I see you get excited as we undress
Tonight's the night we both say yes
(chorus)
You're a lucky one, it's your first rodeo
You're in safe hands, honey, I'll take it nice and slow
You know that every first time's always amateur hour
But then you're in the race, you'll build up star power
So kiss my neck and touch me right there
Once we start going you just keep up with care
It moves so quickly that you slipped it right in
Hang on now lover 'cos it's time for a spin
I rode a great big stable in life
But honey you're just, ooh, so divine
I've never met someone who learns so fast
And you care about my comfort, it's all you ask about
(chorus)
Honey you stick with me
Together we'll grow with glee
First Rodeo, and after a while
I'll get you up to the Miracle Mile
(chorus)
Solid Steel Spine
Walking down the boulevard at Hollywood and Vine
I attract attention and heads in line
My outfit is the best, really makes things pop
And my sexy old strut is the cream of the crop
By the time I get to Stromberg, I've formed a queue
All walks of life follow me like glue
Everybody's keen when I hit the scene
I appeal to men and women and in between
I really must be frank
It's a peak of self-reliance
I gotta give thanks
to a miracle of science
I'm a toast of the town thanks to my attitude
I got the wit, I got the style, and I'm really quite shrewd
First you'll notice my friendliness best
And then of course my very generous chest
Of course people notice my breasts so fine
which is why I'm lucky I got a solid steel spine
Strong foundation for my tracts of land
and a saver from back pain that's just so grand
Solid steel spine, you make me feel complete
Solid steel spine, you make it all so sweet
Solid steel spine, you give me a sense of calm
Solid steel spine, you help make me a sex bomb
Now womanhood's a tough thing to get a grip
like the wise Dolly Parton once let it slip
I may not have resources that others have
but I get by just fine and I'm so glad
Here's the facts so you know where I'm at
When I go out in public, I'm prepared for that
'cos I gotta have my makeup, gotta have my clothes
Gotta get myself arranged and practice my pose
Take a saucy sense of humour
A load of joie de vivre
If you think that I'm a rumour
I'll make you a believer
It ain't easy being really hot
You don't know what it's like, no you really do not
I'd be lying if I said that it's always great,
but I'd be lying if I said that it's something I hate
I can't describe how ripe it feels,
What an ego boost to have sex appeal
It's really outta sight, makes it all bright
and the centre of attention just feels so right
Solid steel spine, it's soft like powderpuff
Solid steel spine, you help me strut my stuff
Solid steel spine, you're really just so swell
Solid steel spine, you help make me a bombshell
Don't Mess with a Bombshell
I love the attention
Don't mean I love it all, oh no
No time for contention
Won't be treated like a mall
Go ahead and admire me,
It's why I look the way I do
But if you want to inspire me,
Make sure you first have a clue
(chorus)
Don't treat me like I'm public property
Don't judge me to be a helpless belle
Don't play the Casanova improperly
Don't mess with a bombshell
I tell you 'cause you listen,
I've had my share of those who don't
Those assholes cause collision,
Make it hard for all of us alone
Just 'cause I'm attractive,
Don't mean I lack autonomy
I'm a free lady and proactive,
Do you want my scorn or bonhomie?
(chorus)
The Name of This City Is Los Angeles
Alright, everyone, I hereby call to order this annual meeting of the Society Against Abbreviating Los Angeles, or SAALA for short.
(Like, guys! We really need a more bitchin' acronym!)
Our mission is to combat, like, the insidious practice of abbreviating the name of Los Angeles, while letting other major cities' names off the hook. Like, how grody is it to say "New York and LA"? Ewww! And to that we say...
(pre-chorus)
It's the casual way you say it
Like it's just a classic trend
If you think we wouldn't notice,
You better think again!
(chorus)
The name of this city is Los Angeles
The name of this city is Los Angeles
The name of this city is Los Angeles
And don't you forget it!
And now, the yearly report, presented to the general assembly. Membership has increased by 2% since last year, which brings us to a grand total of 2 new members! Please give them a hand, they're standing up now. Thank you. Thank you. Glad to have you here. Budgets and spending, like not much change. Valley recruitment is still kinda a struggle. And about our new campaign, we're planning to have the following message...
(pre-chorus)
(chorus)
Like, I wanna introduce the following resolution to the general assembly. We should emphasise our solidarity with San Francisco, 'cos they've despised their city being shortened "Frisco" since approximately Emperor Norton. They think it's totally grody. That should make 'em, like, our biggest ally in California, next to San Diego, or San Jose... or, like, San Cramento? And I just wanna remind those voting that...
(pre-chorus)
(chorus)
Dressed to Thrill
When I look in the mirror,
I see a sexy lady staring back at me
I must say, it couldn't be clearer
The right wardrobe surely is the key
I love my clothes, yeah
They just make me feel like I'm so dashing
I could write such prose, yeah
They're just wonderful and smashing
(chorus)
Dressed to thrill
I look just how I wanna be
Dressed to thrill
Yeah, I love what I see
A nice shirt needs a pretty bow
That's just a rule I've observed
The right hat is like a halo
Makes you look well put together, that's for sure
Buttons are my weakness
Can't accuse my taste of being in fashion
I turn second-hand into sleekness
Dressing like myself is my passion
(chorus)
Big Green Party Machine
Glad you could be with us tonight
You know it's just not a party without She-Hulk
You sure have a way of making an entrance
Hahaha, I wish I could buy your cool in bulk!
Drinks are free, and the music is loud
Help yourself to whatever you like
You sure kicked ass on that case
Your labour law's really outta sight
(chorus)
Big green party machine (x4)
You're livin' the life in the very fast lane
And I'm glad your last hook-up was so sweet
We're still on for Saturday night
I know your musical love is evergreen
You love your life and you're having fun
And that's what makes you rock
You're so kind to everyone that you meet
and I kinda sorta envy you a lot
(chorus)
We Oughta Be in the Movies
What you wanna be is what I am
Come sit with me, honey, we got a lot to chat
Come on, don't look like a lost lamb
We both want a break and that is that
They can't see our brilliance
They're philistines, that's a fact
They don't know our resilience
You want a cigarette from my pack?
(chorus)
Well you and me dear
We got what it takes
We oughta be in the movies
We'll get some great parts
The kind of cheesecake
That taste so juicy
It's the most obvious of facts
That cartoons are where it's at
The hot ladies, who make all swoon
They're the best, incredibly cool
Those are the roles we need
They're what we're born to be
They'll make us set for life
A work that just gives you delight
(chorus)
Oh we'll sure look pretty
Cruising through Culver City
With Venice Beach in distant view
We can make true what's on our mind
Be the newest stars of Hollywood and Vine
The toast of Bel Air too
(chorus)
Bombshells Union, Local 69
If you're feelin' pretty sick
Of bein' treated like shit
Feeling underpaid and insecure?
Come on down, we've got the cure
To join a union, it's never late
There's no better time than today
We got power one and all
When we stand together we're all so strong
(pre-chorus)
Savouring the fruits of our labour
Waging war against wage slavers
Bringin' democracy to the workplace
Workin' for ourselves, at our own pace
(chorus)
Bombshells union, local 69
Bombshells union, defendin' your rights and mine
Bombshells union, local 69
Bombshells union, you don't wanna pick a fight
In a union there is power
To build a better tomorrow
For everyone to live a good life
That's the cause for which we fight
We've won the weekend and much more
We're just getting started in this war
If you live the American Dream
It was brought to you by union wins
(pre-chorus)
(chorus)
There's None Who Can Resist a Doll Like Me
I don't know, what it is
That gives me such allure
Is it my body, or mind?
I'm not sure
I didn't mean to cause a crash
When I bent down to grab my sash
Everybody wants me for a lover
They've got such joys to discover
(chorus)
Because there's none
Who can resist
a doll like me
Just one taste of my milk
and you'll be hooked
Nothing else will scratch the itch
I've got your book
I've got a mind like a luscious squeeze
I've got the clothes that weaken knees
Honey you are a lucky one
You stick with me for mind-blowing fun
(chorus)
She Sucks Me Dry
She gives me the look
What a pure, seductive, smile
I grin, there's no doubt, I'm beguiled
I just take the hook
And go get ready for the while
We'll do this nice and clean, and in style
Standing face to face
With a love as strong as can be
It's such a dream come true
She's so full of grace
We feel safe and free
No one else can make me feel renewed
(chorus)
She sucks me dry of every last drop
She drinks it all and then she stops
She's got access, most exclusively
She loves it all, every part of me
And she won't stop until we're satisfied
She kisses me all over
As she works her way on down
She smiles and goes right to town
With a grace like no other
She gets right down to pleasure
My happy moans are her treasure
There's so much I love
Like her beauty, her wit, and her style
She just knows me intimately
Together we're flying above
I just want to make her smile
Just the way she does to me
(chorus)
There's nothing like the taste
of love so sweet and thick
She loves the fluid so placed
I love to drink her milk, yes I do
(chorus)
Fairfax Avenue Cowgirl
Now somewhere in the West Hills of Los Angeles there lived a young girl named JC... actually, she was just visiting, waiting for her bus to Woodland Hills, but that warrants a shout-out in the intro of this song. Hi JC! Sylvia says she loves ya!
Goin' out west to see my friend
Always a pleasure to head her way
Gotta ride the bus around the bend
It's quite the trip, I have to say
She glides in on her roller skates
Wearing a jaunty cowgirl hat
She's dressed in a shirt and neckerchief
Like she just joined a Western band
(chorus)
She's a... Fairfax Avenue cowgirl
She's mondo awesome, a unique blend
She's a... splash of colour in the city's swirl
She's, always and ever, my best friend
She's always busy with her stuff
She's star-crossed 'n' stitchin'
Finding the time is kinda rough
But every hangout's always bitchin'
She don't want pity for her sickness
She don't need no beer or gin
I can totally bear witness
She's naturally friendly and always been
(chorus)
I don't know, but I've been told, an urban cowgirl's got a heart of gold
(chorus)
So, JC, how was that Kathleen Turner play you caught in town? Yeah? Awesome! I'm really happy for you, sounds like you had a bitchin' time. Hahaha, last time I saw you this enthusiastic, we were at Kate's Crazy Desert! That was soooooo awesome! We got to meet Kate Pierson! And you got your Sharpie back from Cindy Wilson! Has your sister been to Kate's Crazy Desert? No? Why don't we head up to Landers again, it'll be tubular. Ah, if we could only fly Irene and Carmel in... oh, what? She's coming to Los Angeles to film a role? Totally bitchin'! So, when the gang's all here, then we can take the train to Palm Springs and then the 12 and 21... well, okay, if you insist, we'll rent an electric car! If you floor it we might be there in an hour!
(for JC, Minnesota's own Dolly Parton)
